NO MORE STICKS AND STONES: UA PROFESSOR OFFERS TOOLS TO DEAL WITH SCHOOLYARD BULLIES

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. -In years past, sniffling children were told to remember that "sticks and stones will break your bones, but words and names can’t hurt you." Rebecca Newgent, assistant professor of counselor education in the College of Education and Health Professions at the University of Arkansas, urges parents to take a more active approach to schoolyard bullies.

"Parents and guardians need to understand that bullying is a problem that leads to violence," Newgent said. "Bullying should neither be thought of as a 'kids will be kids’ occurrence nor accepted as a way of life."

The most important thing a parent or guardian can do to help children deal with bullying is to listen. Be quiet and really listen with complete attention, Newgent emphasized, listening both to what your children say and what they don't say.

Newgent suggested some discussion topics to aid open communication between children and parents.

• Children need to understand that school is supposed to be a safe place and that there is a process to get help. Discuss the school's discipline policy, what are acceptable behaviors at school, and the consequences of unacceptable behavior. Children need to know that the school does not support bullying and that it is not "tattling" to go to a teacher or school counselor if someone is bullying them.
• Discuss your own household rules, family values and traditions, behavior expectations, and the reasons behind them. Children who experience positive, appropriate behaviors in the home will understand that bullying is not "normal." They will be more willing to let you know that something is not right at school.
• Discuss how to solve problems peacefully. It is important that children not respond to bullying with more bullying. Children need to know that it is okay to walk away from a bully or stay away from others who are threatening.
• Discuss your children's day-to-day activities, accomplishments, concerns, and problems. Being aware of your children's normal activities will alert you to changes in behavior that might indicate they are having difficulty in school.

In addition to communication between parents or guardians and children, Newgent suggests that parents and guardians demonstrate healthy ways to express anger and relieve stress without physical or verbal abuse. Other effective actions include being involved in your children's education through school visits and volunteering, monitoring schoolwork, and getting to know the teachers.

"While no single solution can fix all violence-related concerns," Newgent said, "we must intervene as early as possible in the lives of our troubled children simply because it is the right thing to do and because it will be effective in the long run."

No parent or guardian wants to believe their children are capable of bullying; yet, it is important to be aware of your children's activities. If your child has been accused of bullying, Newgent advised that it is important to let your child know that you still love them and are there for them.

Additionally, she says, take action to help children find appropriate, alternative ways to express themselves. Conflict resolution programs, especially if they are started early, can make an important difference in preventing further violence.

Newgent also stressed the importance of being involved in a loving and encouraging way in your children’s lives. She suggested that parents connect with their children through activity or play and give them regular, undivided attention.

Avoid teasing and shaming, Newgent advised. Instead, convey how much you admire, care about, and love your children. Encourage the expression of a full range of emotions, while showing your children how to express both positive and negative emotions appropriately.

Newgent reminded parents that they are not alone in helping their children. She suggests that parents who are concerned about either their children’s behavior or their safety seek advice and support from teachers and school counselors. Conflict resolution or peer mediation programs that may be offered through the school are often an effective way to address the problem of bullying.